Sometimes over analyzing things is just not a good thing. Comparing races, not a good thing either. This whole weekend I was thinking how awesome it was to have made the bike cut off and then this morning saw the race results. Thinking of my past Half Ironman races, and times/results. It's unrealistic trying to compare. I got a little upset when I saw the results and did the math but then I thought to myself *"stop over analyzing everything!! I did MUCH better on my swim, I did a bit better on my bike and I did better on the run so shut up and enjoy the fact that I finished!"* First of all *I* am NOT everyone else, I am Kerry and I put in a LOT of hard work and a LOT of energy into my training just like everyone else, so I'm slower than some people; I'm faster than some also. 99% of America can't do what I do. So maybe sometimes I feel like I'm not Ironman material and others think that I'm not Ironman material, but gosh darn it, I am NOT a quitter! I dig deep into my inner strength and pull a finish out when it is possible and safe to do so.
So if I maybe start comparing me to ME, then I'm faster, stronger and smarter than the ME that I was a year ago. I'm not faster than my Ironman friends and I may not ever be able to keep up with them but most of the time I'm beating MY record. I have to remind myself of this constantly and it's very irritating. I'm tired of being the underdog but hey, a underdog is better than a lazy-dog (bud-um-bum!). It's lonely out there by yourself and it sucks to think that this is my 3 half Ironman and it doesn't even count on the 'books', but *I* know I finished, my friends and family know that I finished; in the end, that's what counts (though I'd still like them to count on the books, who am I kidding). Sometimes you gotta tune out the negative things friends and family are telling you and just believe in your inner strength. If YOU believe you can do it, and you want it bad enough then you will do it, even if you're a little bit slower than what they think you should be. Listen to the positive things people are saying, it's hard to do, believe me I struggle with this EVERY day, but in the end the positive is going to bring you up and closer to your goal than the negative (unless of course the negative just pisses you off so bad that it puts a fire in your pants and make you want it (a finish) that much more!).
The day before the race Johanna and I drove up the Indian Head Md. to packet pick up and to get a good nights rest (or not) before the race. We got to the park in plenty of time, got our packet, visited the Team then went to dinner and then to the hotel to get ready and chill out. YES, plenty of time, in bed by 8:30, watching TV trying to go to sleep. I felt the water that day so I knew that it was cold, I don't deal well with being cold. I knew it was going to be cold that morning and I was freaking out. FREAKING OUT!! Could I get to sleep, NO of course not. I was telling myself that I'll be fine just go to sleep, that didn't work, I was up at 11, 12, 1, 2, 3, and with the alarm at 4. I felt sick to my stomach, SO sick! I couldn't really eat, but I did because Johanna told me to, I got dressed and crawled back into bed. Johanna: "CLAP CLAP you may NOT go back to bed, get UP! Do we need to do some positive thinking exercises?" Secretly I was not liking her so much at that time, after all nobody would know or care if I just skipped this and stayed in bed all day...YES they would, they may not care but *I* would, I'm not a quitter!!!!
On the drive to the race site I don't remember much talking going on. We got there with no problem, get our stuff out, take stuff to transition, go to the bike maintenance guy because naturally something was wrong with my breaks. I remember everything going smoothly, freakishly smoothly. I had time to go stare at the water and have a quiet moment alone to think, pray, breath and cry to calm down. Then on goes my wet suite with a little help, thanks Marta. Down to the dock I go. Sit on the dock and push off, PLUNK in the water, I REALLY wish that I had not touched the bottom of that lake, ACK gross!!!! Yup the water was cold, yup it took my breath away and it took a minute to catch myself but I did it quicker than I though I would by talking myself through it. The horn went off and I swam...I did not freak out, I did not panic, I swam and swam and swam and did not stop until I get to the finish (except to pee because oddly enough I still cant swim and pee at the same time-TMI whatever, LOL) and to get untangled from the forest I was swimming in at times. Alexis was there as I got out of the water, I heard a few people and I just got faster, "swim swim SWIM faster" I told myself. Alexis says "You made it! Come on lets jog up this hill." . I hugged Coach Ed at the top like I didn't want to let go, i was so excited my swim went well.
T1 went well, getting the wet suite off is a bitch!
I got on my bike and off I went. Johanna and I were playing cat and mouse for a while there, I'd get in front of her, she'd get in front of me, it was fun. I'm not sure where I lost her but I just had to go, get faster and make that cut off. No stopping, no slacking...pain is only temporary!! I kept running through my head, when it hurt I tried to push harder, when I was uncomfortable I just said that "this is temporary just go!" most of the time that worked. I was pretty pissed that when I got to the mile 40 that it was ONLY miles 40!!! I did well on my way back but I was hoping that there were no more up hill, then I'd run into a up hill, DAMN IT! Oh well I pushed, I knew I could do it and I did. When I got back to transition I asked the guy if I made the cut off and he said yes, I asked by "how much by like 2 minutes?" he said "yes, you still have time to run so go."
"YES!!!" I thought to myself.
T2 went well. Smoothly I think.
Off on my run I go. My legs didn't want to work but I knew that If I just kept going my legs would follow, lol. I talked to people, teammates, cheered people on and I think I ran most of the first loop, I felt good, shockingly. I might have just been damn happy to be off that bike.. The second loop 'not so much' I missed the first loop cut off. One of my teammates says "your cut off, do you want to keep going, it will be unsupported?" I didn't want to be nice but I just said "Yes, I want to finish.". So I went off and ran my second loop. I had a few ups and downs, had some good conversation with myself, saw some HOT helpful guys, HOT! HOT! HOT (which made the bad times easier! About a mile and a half from the finish line Patty Glass comes riding down. I'm glad I had someone to talk to but I'd kinda tired of being rescued I thought but that's what this time is about and someday it will be ME rescuing someone, pay it forward. Just not this time. We talked and walked and I tried to run some more. Finally we where by the finish line for another unforgettable finish with awesome team members. I have got to start looking up and remember who it was that finish line for me to let them know how much I appreciate them being there. I wasnt expecting to be able to run through the shoot to get a finish medal but Ed said keep going, so I did, I got my medal and got to give a huge thank you to them for being here for me. There was great help even after I got my medal. The Set Up Events group is really awesome. Team Z is really awesome!!! Always there for you no matter when you finish.
So after not eating real food for 9 hours and moving your body for 9 hours trying to get to the finish line, make sure you eat SLOWLY when you get that first piece of pizza or whatever...can you say nausea! In fact just eat super slowly for the next day or two! Even though I didn't finish on time again, I still finished, it still counts. Maybe not on the books but I'm not doing this to win anything, make any records or to impress anyone but myself (anyone else that wants to be impressed with me, feel free, LOL).. I've had a bad season this season but with this finish at the end of the year/season I sure have had a GREAT training summer and some good training races. I've got to remember these good times when I'm having a bad day and want to sink into a hole. My name is Kerry and I have done 3 half Ironman triathlons and finished 2 of them, I'm ok with that!
