Balancing life

I'm going to call this balancing life because I think I'm having a hard time with that right now with the changes that have been going on lately, great changes, but non the less they're changes. I've taken a break from triathlon this season, part by choice part not by choice. I've slugged back into old patterns, LOVE sleeping in, LOVE going home right after work. I have been active, spinning at work which I love, and running on weekends and when ever I feel enough energy to do so during the week. Which isn't really like me, from previous years. I need to and want to get my athlete schedule back, push through and "Just Do It". Then comes the migraines, and work and life you gotta fit in there. 
You need to do more then DREAM it and WANT it!!!  Just saying that I WANT to finish a Ironman for me, and the I DREAM about finishing a Ironman isn't enough...I need that mental toughness again, I NEED to get out there and DO IT, BELIEVE it and EAT it. I need to stop thinking that it will come, because everyone has bad runs and everyone gets tired and doesn't WANT to do something at some point during training they just get out and do it anyway. Even being a Back Of A Packer is fine, sure it might by harder to get it done, get faster or whatever the case may be but I try to think that it would make that finish line so much sweeter. I've lost some training buddies and I can't just lose my dream and my taste for the finish line, I've got to try to make new friends and sometimes get it done another way. Nobody but the body that I have is going to drag me over that finish line! Sure I cry when my friends cross the finish line and I am SO incredibly happy for them, but at the end of the day there body, mind and sole did the work and got it done and crossed that finish line. I think that is amazing and I wish I could be so fast and do so well, I just gotta do MY best.
I've done 3 half Ironman's and haven't finished anyone of them on time, that SUCKS because I worked HARD for each one of them, what's next? Trying again, that's what's next damn it!!! 
So was taking the break a good thing or a bad thing? Either way, I gotta start again and feel accomplished again. Have fun again, make some more friends and get it done!  I may have been tired as hell after the workout but at least I was tired for a reason. So as I tell myself to get going, get out of the depression and yucky feeling and get back out there. Try and TRI again. Balance life and do my best, remember the feeling of the finish line.I've got great friends, I'll get there. Florida will only be in my future if I get it together and do my work :-) This is partially what Team Z is for thank you!!! The help from family and friend also. Thank you, signed Getting it together again.
P.S. please look beyond typo's.

Emotional Eating...

...I wish that I didn't rely so much on food. I read that a food addiction (sugar to be specific) was like a heroin or alcohol addiction, I read it so it's got to be true right? It's totally with the wrong food though, it happens when I'm happy or when I'm sad or mad...you go to the easy comfort food. Why can't we get addicted to apples, salads, chicken, steak or tuna? Though I LOVE those things I do not go for them when I feel like I had a kick ass workout, or a bad day or a sad time. You have to train yourself, your brain....I KNOW what do to, how to eat, what to eat...it takes 3 days to ruin your good eating habits and it takes 14 days to create a new habit, a new or to get back to your healthy pattern. REALLY?!?!  For crying out loud, nothing's fun to eat anymore. Not a true statement...I just need to learn how to cook again, take the time and do it right because no body is going to do it right for me! Just because I don't look like the girl that I want to look like yet, doesn't mean that it will never happen, I just have to look closer to what I'm doing. It will be a lot easier to slip back to what I WAS but why would I want to do that....I wasn't happy then either! I think I like fixing myself...I like knowing what to do and doing it...it's the starting it that I don't like doing. I love running, I like swimming now, and I LOVE my bike! I love feeling great, I hate being sad, I love when I'm positive and friendly, I hate when I'm bitch to EVERYONE. I don't like hating the world...so I need to get it together one day at a time so I can get my bikini body and my fun mood back. I'm not doing this for anyone else, nobody else is going to appreciate my hard work, nobody else see's ME in the mirror. I might not ever be as small as I think that I should be or as small as the person that I look up to but I want to like my body in the mirror, I want to be strong, look strong and act strong...confident.  I need to have goals...
So I'm not Ironman ready like most of my friends, I don't run 4 hour marathons like my brother who ran his FIRST marathon in 4 hours...what the fuck EVER...I do it and I should be proud of that, but I've always compared myself to my brother, athletic wise...don't ask me why...I've tried to have/get a brother sister relationship with him for about 30 years now, why not try to be as fit as him too (I'm rolling my eyes BIG time). When was I ever taught to compare myself to everyone? I have NO idea, it irritated me. GOAL'S...right...that was the point of the paragraph. So I've been doing races and triathlons for 5 years, with every year getting better and moving up in race distances and now I stuck trying to REALLY get that Half Ironman on time, trying to get better in my marathon distance....and I'm getting better, just not at the speed that I'd like to be getting better. That just means that my finish line tastes better then the fasties (fast-easy) finish line.  So what finish lines will I be crossing in 2012? I like to chose a marathon, 2 half's (triathlon) and Luray weekend (1 sprint and 1 oly triathlon) and finish each and EVERY one of them. It's a big goal and very challenging with my limitations but I think that it can be done, it would have been done last year but last year just wasn't my year or good races. I'm counting on this year being better. Yeap I'll need some help but I have a great family and awesome friends, I'm looking forward to meeting new friends and getting faster with existing friends (that comment is for Michele Tucker, whom I should nickname Road Runner).
So I think this blog has successfully bounced around a bit...and that's only PART of my thoughts...YIKES!! I'm not re-reading this like I probably should, please except my flaws, thank you.
I WILL become an Ironman at some point in my life, it's just going to take more time :-(